Chaino
So I set about trying to find the picture. It wasn't in the living room.
It wasn't in the kitchen.
There it is! On the wall of all places.
It only looks small because I am so massive. Right Chaino, stop loving it now, your guests are arriving.
Okay Flatmate, you aren't a guest but there's no need to give me the fingers. Nice to see your friend dressed for the occasion.
Look! Four whole people! My, I am popular.
Hmm. Two shifty blondes. I think they brought a ghost who disappeared down the side of the sofa.
Wow that's ten people now. And one of them's diddies are massive.
And number 11 brings a touch of class to the proceedings by drinking Buckfast straight from the bottle.
So we head to a club and on the way I meet a cheerful policewoman.
And the coatcheck girl is cheerful too.
And the barmaid is cheerful too. They know it is my birthday. Everyone loves me.
The club is quite tiny and rather busy. Probably, because it is my birthday.
But there is still room for some of the girls to do a dance for me. For my birthday.
Aha! There are some other friends. For one CRAZY second I believed they had forgotten that it was my birthday.
Another one, excellent, less birthday forgetters to venge upon.
The girl in the pink really likes having her picture taken. The other birthday rememberer does not.
Haha! I haven't seen you since GCSE Maths class 12 years ago!
But sadly you were not here because it was my birthday so I poisoned you.
Everyone is so happy!
Too happy. They're happy because I'm a year closer to the grave, aren't they?
I'll show them. Care to french kiss the birthday boy so as he can secretly tongue a roofie into your too-happy-mouth?
Now I am happy too, because I know what these fucks have in store.
Flatmate is also happy because I let him in on my little trick.
Oh they're getting sadder!
Haha! So sad, I mock you with my mimicry!
Everyone is comatose and we smile at the prospect of the bummings ahoy.
The girls are now dead in the bin. We still have to punish the boys. Sex is out of the question, so we just dryhump them through a duvet.
Flatmate is exhausted. Bless. It was a lot of hideous sex for one so young.
I treat myself to a celebratory fag with a bow on it.
THE END
posted by batteriesfeelincluded |
5:40 pm
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