The Hunt For 24

What the hell is that? Chin doesn't pay over £10 a week to live in a place where there are bits of white things on the carpet.


He had gone to sleep in Wales and woken up in a police state.


He spies with his little eye, something that looks like a letter.


Jesus Christ! The key is broken.


Luckily Chin was no stranger to transforming his skeleton-like hand into a claw and grabbing his prize.


Oh my, another.


What day is this? Surely not Christmas day?


Warning! Warning! Old Women Alert!


Perhaps it would have been a better idea to get them on the way back.

A vaseline covered lens showed our hero in all of his glory. A Rosetta Stone t-shirt, specsavers glasses and a thick head of hair were all that stopped mother nature reaching inside his sensitive skin-thin skin and heating his internal organs into hot internal soup.


A school trip. But to where? A pub, no doubt. They'd be very disappointed if their destination was Chin's flat, because he was off taking photos of kids on school trips.


Lloyds TSB. Even a man, such as Chin, who detests wealth and material gain will occasionally need to pop into his local bank to carry out neccessary monetary business.


Paying in request. I'd like to see the bank that turns them down.


£55, riches the world has never seen.


That poor flag, he was just one day from retirement. Would Chin ever reach the heights that would allow his funeral to be broadcast live across sixty thousand countries? Maybe on channel 5. Beggars can't be choosers.


Thank god for the bullet proof glass, because that certainly wasn't an erection in Chin's pocket. Actually it probably was, but not his own.


Stand back, x-ray scumbags, you've met your match in a lead lined thumb.


How remarkable, the Orange shop has moved a whole 50 yards.


What will take the place of the old one?


With the banking out of the way he was free to begin his search for 24. First stop, WH Smith. Upstairs to be precise.


The apocalypse had arrived. Everything was gone. Had our hero stepped through a Goodnight Sweetheart type wormhole to the past, future or another world?


Fear not, everything had been moved to downstairs. Upstairs is probably being turned into a Mcdonalds or something equally distasteful. £44.99! No thanks.


A paperback chart not being won by the Da Vinci Code, perhaps the apocalypse had arrived the worthy were now wandering happily in heaven.


56th. There is hope for humanity.


The Gallery. Service station food at service station prices.


HMV, home of the deadly deadly HMV everyday a different Sale Sale.


£49.99!!! Even with Chin's 10% student discount it is still an outrage.


There was just one place left to try. Or was there? On the way to the last potential place, Chin remembered something; "The Cash Generator sells dvds. Cheap dvds". What was that man doing down there? The only possible answer, when you consider all of the factors, is sucking cock. He was probably sucking cock.


£19.99. A gift from God, or the chav who stole the dvd from someone's house and sold it to the cash generator for peanuts.


"Please enter your pin"
"Ok"
"Oh, you haven't signed the back"
"Does it matter, I've already done my pin?"
"Yes, sign it now"


As always, the man told Chin that there was a 24 hour guarantee on all dvds. Was Chin man enough to rise to the challenge?


When John Wayne was walking down Oxford Street and his nose began to itch he knew it was going to be a long day.*


Swansea Market has a new sign. Truly a city on the up.

"Pet things! Pet things! Get your pet things! Spicy pet things! Come get your spicy pet things!"


Even though our hero very rarely plays his playstation anymore, he will often go to second hand game shops to inhale the nostalgia like a semi-decriminalised drug. Closed. Back in five. The most unhelpful of notes. Had the person left 4 minutes and 50 seconds ago? 10 seconds ago? Always leave a time of return or departure.


Had there not been a security guard standing in the doorway of the cafe next door, Chin would have considered stealing this poster.


Fish. Fear not, the fish on the wall isn't a novelty singing fish.


?


No, trainers. Thanks for asking.


There is a second or two delay on the camera of a Sony Ericsson K750i. Chin was very nearly crushed to death under the weight of this bus.


A quick stop in Tesco never did anyone any harm.


Are yogurts good for you? There's not much red meat in them, but they very rarely contain the required five vegetables for the day.


The banana (flavour) in the yogurt will surely cancel out the chocolate flakes.


The lemon in the fanta will surely cancel out the mentymotidyhoxide.


The self service machines were in a state of complete chaos.


That man must have had a lot of goats to feed.


Welsh Lesson #305: Cafe = Caffi


How would Chin get past the sensors? His body gives off a natural danger odour that will often disrupt cctv and the fight or flee mechanism within the mind's of small children. There's no way out.


Argh! The sun. I'm blind, no, wait, he's blind. Chin is blind.


Luckily he quickly remembered everything he had ever learnt at school; Never look directly at the sun, always do it through a lamp-post.


Finally the cinema has a name. It's the first Vue cinema in Britain to not have formerly been a Warner one. Perhaps now Nicholas Lindon Odeon will sort his prices out.


Beasts. Terrifying beats that will scare you into a coma. Chin hasn't been to see the exhibit yet. He has no excuse. You would have thought that a person doing a degree in Egyptology would have made the 30 second walk to the museum at least once by now.


The contents of the envelopes are finally revealed. Albums by JJ72, The Smashing Pumpkins and Songdog.


Does he cook some food and then watch 24, or eat all of the yogurts whilst watching 24? Was there ever any doubt? If you're unlcear, the answer is "He ate the yoghurts".



*Richard Jones - Winner of the 2006 Get to Write a Line Competition.