A Theme Park

Up we pulled in the car and I don't mean pulled like kissed or made sweet, sweet love.


The car park! The motherfucking car park!!!


James and Kate in the back, that must mean I was in the front. I totally was. Feel free to notice the pieces of paper, they are directions. You need directions when you're travelling in non-Swansea or Cardiff Wales, because the signs are in Welsh or something.


James smiled. Why wouldn't he? We were in Oakwood, for god's sake.


It was just £10.


Libby smiled. Why wouldn't she? We were in Oakwood, for god's sake.


Rachel and Gareth didn't seem to be smiling. Didn't they know they were in Oakwood, for god's sake?


We got onto the train. It was like a real train, but smaller and had little or no threat of a possible terrorist attack.


It was about time they smiled. At least I think they were smiling, but it was probably just for the photo. Bloody fakers. I hope that Libby wasn't doing her own photo-journal.


Just in case you've forgotten what I, Chin, look like. Look at my heavenly glow.


Choo Choo. The Riesen chocolately chew.


This is where we had to get off. The station is called "Whistle Stop", but I doubt you'd find it on any rail map.


Oakwood had decided to start employing men dressed as Superman to make visitors feel safer when they went on the rides, because everyone other person seems to die in Oakwood nowadays.


This is Hyrdro. A young girl died on this recently when she fell from the top. They have since added some sort of seatbelt or something, which makes me wonder what kind of idiot decided to not put them there in the first place.


Discussion broke out over whether or not to go on Hydro first. I was strongly against it, because of:
1) The wetness
2) The danger
3) The drop


These people are using the old fashioned method of getting to the bottom; inside the car.


Before we go any further I must point out that I have a terrible fear of roller coasters and other rides, but I decided that I would have to go on Megaphobia, because what could have once passed for naive fear would now be disgusting cowardice.


It is made of wood. Wood!


Due to my incredible fear, I was made to sit on my own.


It was horrible. There is nothing I hate more than going down really fast. It just hurts, where is the fun in being hurt inside? I went off to get some food. The prices were surprisngly reasonable. £2 for a burger, I think.


Everyone else went on this. I didn't. It goes down and fast. A dangerous combination.


Then we went on this. I had no fear of this, because it is for children, tiny, little children. Sadly I hadn't finished my food and had to throw it all away.


90% of the fun is supposed come from the track going through the trees. It's fun, because a branch could cut your eye open.


The possibility of open eye was too much for Rach to handle.


In a world where black means white and yes means no, I would go on this ride. Look at that crazy drop. 97 degrees. Ridiculous.


Upside down as well. It's as if the they've made this theme park specifically to stop me going on anything.


I wasn't the only rightfully fear filled person. Rach suggested that we go on this instead. Very wise.


It was a lot more thrilling than it looks.


A side face.


After an agreement with Coca-Cola, it was agreed that one in three photo-journals will feature me drinking a Coke product.


Kate ate some chips. Technically they are fries, but what can you do?


See? What's wrong with this? We don't need to go on scary rides, why not sit on the grass all night?


A pirate ship. Even I went on this. Arrgh.(That's the noise pirates make)


It made me feel sick. I thought we were just going to get into a boat and then travel around the world raping and pillaging.


Snakes on a motherfucking slide.


Me again. It takes years of practice to be able to create such a blank expression.


I went down the one called Cobra. There was probably no difference.


We split into two teams. One team went on Megaphobia again, the other went to the wild west thing place.


I spent an upsetting amount of money on this claw machine. Just look at the size of it. You could pick up a pig with it.


All I could win was this pathetic excuse for a dog.


I couldn't hit the buckets. I don't deserve to earn £60,000 a week playing the game I love. James hit two buckets, thus becoming the alpha male.


I have nothing to say about this picture.


As we left they started setting off fireworks. I can take a hint, they obviously didn't want us there.