Reading 2006: Episode I

It all began with a wristband. Technically it didn't because there was a lot of stuff before that, but I didn't take any photos.


This is where we set up camp. Brown 3, or B3 if you're in a rush.


From what I gathered, it was tradition to sellotape porn to neighbouring tents.


I bought a chair. I won't tell you where, but I will tell you that I didn't want a union jack one.


After a number of things that happened whilst my phone was off, the people next door taped a man together. Like a modern day Solid Snakes he got himself out using a knife.


Night came and I saw my first big line of people walking around. They were chanting and following a man with a pirate flag.


Before I knew it, I was eating sweet and sour chicken up by the entrance to the main bit.



Look closer. They didn't ask if I wanted rice or noodles, they just gave me noodles. They got lucky.


There was some sort of tent filled with dancing people. It was playing the exact same songs they play in Funked Up on a Wednesday, perhaps even in the very same order as last Wednesday.


We didn't stay up very late, because it rained the rain of a thousand winters. Come morning the sun was shining. Libby flapped her wings, as she does every morning. Sadly some men had come into all of our tents last night when we were asleep and stolen some delicious money from Tash and Jo.


We set off to Caversham in search of delicious food and supplies.


We passed the Lynx Manwash, a place where men are washed by fairly attractive women in fairly small clothes for free. Buy Lynx.


Because of the incredible heat I bought an ice cream. Guess how much. £1? No. £2? No. £2.50? No, keep going. £3?!?!?!? I wish, it was £3.50.


A river, some people and some grass.


There was a house that had a thing for driving boats into underneath. Only a deadly and cunning spy could live in such a place. He probably shouldn't make it so obvious.


Look at me enjoying the most expensive ice cream the world has ever seen.


It's hard to tell just by looking at this photo, because it's a photo, but this swan walked like a very drunk bastard.


Reading Council had created a language so universal that it transcended letters and numbers. One day all humans will communicate through the medium of colour.


The staff of the Crown were so welcoming that the pub was filled to the ceiling, and so we could not get a seat.


This sign was strange and probably still is.


Even though it's Reading Festival weekend, people are still expected to use the proper crossings.


Ooooh, pun.


We ended up in the Whetherspoons, although it took many, many minutes to find a table. Obviously we took all of the ketchup in case the other customers wanted some.


You know you're not in Kansas anymore when an ice cream costs £3.50 and a cooked breakfast is only £3.


After breakfast we went to Waitrose, the queues were so bad that I literally couldn't bring myself to take a photo of them.


I bought a box. I bought a lid. They were priced seperately.


I took the lid off to get a clearer look inside. Good old ice. Most people think we only became more than animals after we learnt how to make fire, when really it was when we discovered the secrets of ice. Only a savage would drink warm Stella.


There I am.


The time finally came for us to enter the land of music. How on earth can I hold my drink, rock out and take a photo at the same time?


Dashboard Confessional was on the stage. I probably shouldn't like him, but I do. What can I do?


Phew, Spider-Man is here. We can sleep in peace tonight knowing that he will be looking over us.


Star tattoos are all the rage nowadays. They look shit.


This man was dancing so much that his body froze and fell to the floor. For millenia people will come to see the frozen dancing man. God bless him.


We watched Panic! At the Disco. I don't like them, but thought they were ok. The singer got bottled and stayed down for over a minute. Then he said "you can't knock me down", which was a bit silly. They did an awful cover of Karma Police, with the words 'fuck' and 'shit' added.

Then Fallout Boy who were were very, very bad. They seperated the crowd through the middle and told them to throw bottles at each other, thus distracting everyone from their terrible music. It caused lots of blood. I, myself, got hit in the eye.