Regina Spektor: Part Four
After waking up, I walked in on a naked woman in the bathroom, vomitted into a toilet and vomitted some more. God only knows why. I went on Coop's laptop.
We set off to the chemist to cure my vomitting. Damn, that house has been sold.
Sadly the fresh air had done me a world of good, so we didn't need to go in.
Ha, humps.
These aren't actually two men. A clever pavement artist had drawn them in chalk and if you stand in the right place they look 3d.
Ask yourself this; did I see Pierce Brosnann on Clapham High Street or did I see a photo of him?
Oh no, the infamous Belle Vue.
Did you know that I have never set foot inside a Starbucks before?
Knowing the ins and outs of buying drinks from Starbucks, Coop placed himself in the queue.
I'm sure they meant to say "to protect the health of our customers".
That crazy bastard with his Caramel Frappuccino.
Just a cup of tea for me.
We found a slippery slide to get down to the tube. Look at that extreme adrenaline filled fool standing up whilst going down.
Shut it, Wrighty.
Like a butterfly emerginng from its cocoon, like a baby escaping from a womb, like a bullet exploding from a gun, like a shit falling out of a bum, like cash being withdrawn from an ATM machine, like a sausage becoming so hot in a frying pan that it literally throws itself onto the floor, the metal monster came out of its tunnel.
Picture time #2
Filler Material #2
It's like a bloody ghost train, but surely these people can't be ghosts?
Silly advert. People buy water to drink, not squirt statues.
So we've been promised affordable space travel for years, hotels on the Moon and brothel space stations, but it never happened. Tom Hanks sticks his dirty nose in and now we can all go to the Moon? I find that very hard to believe.
I hope this 3d Superman doesn't just involve me looking at cardboard cut-outs that leap out at me like a giant pop-up book.
It's a whole other world in London. Where I come from, the cinema staff are behind two inches of bullet proof glass. What's there to stop me putting a bullet in someone's head right now?
We manage to steal someone's seats, because they couldn't make up their mind. The cunt woman customer was very unhappy about this, so the scared ticket woman had to plead for her life. I bet she wishes she had two inches of glass right now.
£12. I could buy a horse for £12.
The screen was the size of a small planet.
posted by batteriesfeelincluded |
12:39 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment