Plantasia

We went to Plantasia which is a big glass pyramid that is like a rainforest inside. I almost have a degree in Egyptology, so I'm no stranger to pyramids. Although technically I am, because I know nothing about Egypt. There was some sort of snake that Ivan would have liked. I was sad to see that they hadn't given it a toy plane to play with. Snakes need planes just like chickens need eggs.


Then a massive python bastard appeared in view. He doesn't do much, which is fair enough.


Look out! Poison Frog.


Then we caught a plane to Amsterdam, but the plane was full of snakes, so we crashed in the desert. I kid you. Of course we didn't get on a plane. Swansea doesn't even have an airport anymore. Lizards. Bzzzz.


We saw some turtles. Maybe they were tortises. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. Poor little guys, not a mutant among them.


We walked along a floor gazing (not grazing on) different types of plants. A lot of people find plants quite boring, when really all people should find them boring.


There was a lizardy lizard who may have been dead.


We went into the Butterfly Room. One of the butterflies flapped their wings and my mother who was on the other side of Swansea fell over. Libby didn't come into the butterfly room, because she is afraid of moths and butterflies are like moths, or so I'm told. I suppose they are.


Butterfly #1


Another butterfly.


Some sort of Zebra Mouse appeared doing fuck all. It's an easy life for some. Not me.


Then I did a weird forehead face thing. It doesn't usually have that many lines. I am genuinely quite young.


After years of protesting that there were monkeys in Plantasia only to be told by all my friends "no, there are no monkeys in Swansea", I finally showed them the monkeys. Can I make a Jerry Maguire joke? Yes? Thanks. Show me the monkey. Ha.


Bastard monkeys.


Then we phoned Domino's and asked for buy one get one free pizzas, but they were reluctant, because it was 16:55. They agreed to give us two for one if we hurried. We didn't hurry, because it pays to maintain some dignity. We ate them in my flat, which is very small and shiny. Not to be confused with small and tiny, because they are the same thing and people who says things like that are terrible.

We watched Deal or No Deal. The woman got greedy. She was offered £55,000, but turned it down and ended up with £20,000. Then she discovered that her box had £50,000 in it. If I were Noel I would have pushed her over and laughed, but in a sympathetic way.


We drank some Budweiser, the king of beers. I'm not being saracstic, it really is the best.


Then went for a brief visit to the marina arcade, home of the gays, to try to win the Holland bear in the claw machine. I picked it up first time, but it fell out akwardly and landed in an impossible position up against the back wall. I spent £10 trying to move it slightly, but failed. I decided I wouldn't leave empty handed, so I grabbed a Brazil first time and left in a mood. A bad one. We also played on the 2p machines and won a couple of keyrings. All I need now is a key.